“I microwaved my typewriter” and other typewriter mistakes to avoid.
We’ve all been there, the typewriter got a little wet when you prematurely celebrated your first grammatically complete sentence with a celebratory jig atop the toilet (where everyone does their best writing, duh).
Pull up your pants and DO NOT place your typewriter in the microwave. Metal and microwaves don’t go together, even though it may seem proper since the inside of the microwave is also metal. Trust me, smarter people have told me that’s not a good idea.
Let’s face it though, we all make mistakes. Some of us can’t spell the technical word for the liquid that pours out of you after eating bad Mexican food, and others challenge cops to street races at the traffic light. That doesn’t mean we are bad writers, in fact, neither have anything to do with writing at all! So that’s a relief…
Believe it or not, the world of typewriting is loaded with pitfalls and traps that could befuddle even the most seasoned authors. So let’s discuss some of the most common.
DON’T USE WD40. I think that one explains itself. WD40 is magic to old people, it makes stuck things move. That is a misnomer, a fable if you will. WD40 is NOT a lubricant and should not be used as one. It is a water displacement formula and will harden over time into a lacquer.
DON’T USE THOSE WEIRD WHITE OUT RIBBONS. Sounds like a cool idea: half ink, half white out? It is absolutely not cool. That white out powder falls into the inner workings of the machine where it builds and builds until your typewriter has an emotional breakdown.
DON’T THROW YOUR TYPEWRITER OUT OF A MOVING CAR. Mason Williams and Patrick Blackwell already tried this in 1967 and it didn’t end well for the typewriter.
AND FINALLY (UNLESS I THINK OF MORE), DO NOT, NOT USE YOUR MACHINE. Typewriters are made to be used, to be typed on, to be carressed and tucked in at night. Okay, maybe not that last one, but you do need to take care of them. The best way to keep machinery working is to use it regularly. If you find you have a very ordinary amount of typewriters (somewhere around a dozen), then it is best to rotate them around for use.
As long as you use your machine, and keep it free from moisture and dust, it will live a long and happy life writing all the weird things you could dream of. Remember, abusing your typewriter has no negative consequences, it just makes me sad.